take me to the mountains

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Dear family and friends,

We have some exciting and really big news: we’re moving to Colorado! We are still processing everything and working through all the emotions of being completely ecstatic to live in such a beautiful place, while definitely tasting the bittersweet feelings of saying goodbye to our home in Houston and everyone we have had the gift of walking through life with thus far.

Here’s a little background of how everything unfolded:

Last November, Ryan decided to put some feelers out and apply to some positions at organizations we could stand behind and would be honored to work for. It’s always been a strong desire to work for companies we really believe in. He decided to send an application to Compassion International (https://www.compassion.com/) in Colorado Springs, because why not? We didn’t put much thought into it, and a few weeks went by over the Thanksgiving holiday. Mid-December, Ryan received a call from the HR department at CI, and he was pleasantly surprised at how well the conversation went! He felt like they really hit it off, and little did he know at the time this would be the first of many interviews.

Ryan walked through the interviews with Compassion International, including an in-person interview day where they flew him out so he could meet the team that he would potentially be working with. Overall it was an amazing experience and he really felt like he connected with everyone. At that time (beginning of January) Ryan could definitely see himself being a part of their IT team. They flew him back home and we had the week to process. We didn’t hear anything more for a couple of weeks until Ryan received a call from the HR rep that they wanted to send him an offer letter for the job!

Extreme excitement, as well as fear came over us. If Ryan accepted this position it would mean BIG changes for our family, but if he didn’t accept would we be missing out on a new adventure God has prepared for us? Much prayer went into the decision making, asking for clear vision from God. We believe that through His Word, Spirit, and circumstances he has spoken clearly to us and has told us to GO!

Ryan has officially accepted a Senior Level IT position at Compassion International. His start date is March 13th and he will be able to work from Houston until we move to Colorado Springs at the end of March.

Although we are so sad to leave our loved ones, we are confident that the Lord has paved the way for us in this opportunity, and are thrilled about that. Please join us in prayer as we enter this new adventure! We love and cherish each of you and are so thankful for the relationships we have built over time.

We plan to have a casual gathering to say, “see ya later!” before we leave. Stay on the lookout for a Facebook event; we’d love to see you!

Here’s to great adventures and new beginnings!

The Butterfrases

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jude | month 9, 10, 11

It would be an understatement to say that I fell behind in Jude’s monthly posts. A bit reflective of what happened toward the end of my pregnancy posts… I’m seeing a trend. Around month 9 of pretty much anything I start to trail. Which is actually quite unfortunate because I feel like so much has happened over the past few months! I did manage to take photos and measurements from each month, so at least I didn’t drop the ball entirely. There is some hope for me.

Quick recap below:

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The last 3 months have been so much fun and so busy! The holidays are no joke. I’m going to have to start prepping in August from here on out. Props to those of you with lots of kiddos.
Jude has been a blast, and it is so much fun to be his parents! He’s a definite mama’s boy, and has been extra clingy to me lately. I think most of it is teething because he has super fussy spouts, but I’m loving it nonetheless. He is moving constantly and always getting into everything. He’s also super independent (no idea where he gets that from) and wants to “walk” everywhere, holding onto our fingers or furniture or whatever else is around. He’ll also stand for a second on his own, until he realizes that he’s not holding onto anything and has a mini freak out for a split second and promptly sits down. His favorite snack is turkey and cheese, and peanut butter. The kid eats so much, and will literally keep eating until you stop handing him food. The other day he ate an entire grilled nuggets kids meal from Chick-Fil-A with an apple sauce pouch. Four nuggets and apple sauce, y’all. How?

Jude now also gives kisses by request, and they are super slobbery. It’s so adorable that I don’t even care.

And guys. Jude said his first word(s). And it’s not mama or dada. Nope, it’s the thing he loves maybe even more than us: night-night. Guess we could have seen that coming, haha. Now when we put him to bed and tell him goodnight, he says it back! Emphasis on the T.

We’re so looking forward to this Christmas… Jude’s first! We will be traveling to see my family and I can’t wait to celebrate with everyone.

Next up: ONE YEAR. I might cry a little. I want to freeze time, but I am also enjoying every second of this season. That’s why they call it bittersweet, I suppose.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Hope you are able to enjoy some quality time with the people you love.

jude | 8 months

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Well, I’m only 2 weeks behind, but here it is! We’re all in at 8 months old, and life seems to be moving faster every day!

Because we don’t have enough crazy in our lives, we decided to take a last minute road trip to Missouri over Labor Day weekend to see some family, and Jude got to meet his Uncle Gary and cousins for the first time! My sister and family were planning to come to Houston, but they are in the middle of moving, so plans got changed. We didn’t tell the kids we were coming, which was such a fun surprise! They were doing a yard sale the morning we arrived, and thought they had really early customers when we drove up. My 2 brothers and sister-in-law also drove from Kansas City, and surprised the kids about 10 mins before we got there. So much fun. The kids LOVE Jude, and I was pretty impressed the whole time with how helpful and attentive they were with him. I assumed they would be really interested for a few minutes and then go play, but they all (especially Belle) wanted to be right next to Jude at all times, playing, feeding, and helping change diapers. Pretty cute.

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Though it was a short visit, we are glad we were able to make the trip. It will likely be the last time we’ll visit that house! It was also likely the last time we’ll get to eat ice cream from Spring Dipper, which is an ice cream shop a couple miles from their house. So, of course we had to go…. twice. Jude got a taste too, thanks to Uncle Gary.

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Jude is still refusing to crawl, and we’re speculating that it comes with his laid back personality. He still sleeps like a champ with 3 naps a day and 11 hrs at night, and all my momma friends remind me of how lucky I am for that! I’m anticipating some lessons on laziness in the future, between his love for sleeping and how unmotivated he is to crawl to a toy out of reach. He will literally look at a toy, reach for it, think about it, and then turn to something closer so he doesn’t have to move. *oh boy* Nevertheless, I’m savoring these last few moments where he isn’t following me around everywhere and getting into everything.

Our bug has an ear for music, and is beginning to tap or kick to the beat. He also “sings” which is super cute because when he hears music he’ll make drawn out sounds in a high pitched voice. He’s also really into books, and has his favorites. Turning pages are of course, his fav. Oh, and he also catches and throws better than I do most days.

We are SO ready for the fall weather. It’s by far my favorite season, and I get so excited with the anticipation of all the holidays coming up. Bring on all things pumpkin and stroller jogs!

jude | 7 months

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We’ve had an exciting and increasingly active month! Such a fun age to be this kid’s parents, getting to raise him and watch him grow every day. He’s discovering new things daily, and it feels like we’re always seeing a new aspect of his personality come out as he reacts to his surroundings differently and more deliberately. He studies people and objects so intensely, and is starting to interact with humor (totally getting that some things are really funny!).

Jude is finally not hating tummy time now that he is figuring out that he can move himself around, as well as flip over to get out of tummy time whenever he wants. He isn’t crawling yet (still hasn’t realized that he can pull his knees under his body), but he moves himself in circles with his arms in order to grab whatever looks like it might be fun to stick in his mouth. He’ll stand for long periods of time with some balance support. He prefers using his hands to bring things to his mouth, so he doesn’t hold onto anything to help support himself, but we imagine that will be coming soon.

Whining doesn’t happen much, as Jude remembers after about 5 seconds that he can “talk” now, so he’ll stop complaining and spout out, “da da da da da da”. Everything is da da, except for when he makes smacking noises with his mouth and then puts sound to it, which comes out almost sounding like “ma ma”. He LOVES when “da da” comes home from work, and usually greets Ryan with squeals and screams, and lots of kicking. He also does this thing where he’ll try to not smile when you’re talking to him. Like he’s trying to keep a straight face and not let on to the fact that he’s enjoying your company, but his little smirk gives him away. Where in the world did he learn that from??

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We are now doing solids (purees) twice a day after the two daytime feedings, and have tried several different foods. Jude absolutely hates greens unless I mix apples in with it. Who can blame him? His favorite is definitely apples, by themselves or with other foods. Probably the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted. I’m with you, Jude.

A sweet friend let us borrow their jumperoo, so Jude’s been getting some good exercise in! Good thing, too. Those chunky legs are just ridiculous. Ridiculously cute. He LOVES this thing, and loves it about 100x more when you’re watching him jump and applauding him. He also now expects to be cheered for when he flips over, and will look around for you and smile, like, “tada!” Everyone likes to be appreciated, right?

So yea, we’re still having fun with our little bug. So blessed that we get to do this parenting thing.

jude | 6 months

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Whaaaaa….?? How can this be? Strange how time passes. In one way, it seems ages ago that I was pregnant, and at the same time it feels as if I blinked and have a smiley, avocado eating, drooly, upright sitting, into everything 6 month old. I’m simultaneously loving every second of watching Jude grow, and wanting my chubby baby to stop growing and stay small enough to cradle in my arms forever. It’s bittersweet, raising your child. Ryan and I are so proud of every little thing Jude does, still cheering like crazy people when he rolls over (we are reminded we’re crazy when he stares at us confused), and listening to our voices get higher and higher and faces goofier just to bring on a smile. I am still reminded daily: “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

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It’s his half birthday today, and I am so thankful for this little gift entrusted to us. So beyond what I could have dreamed.

Jude’s personality is really developing, and we love who he is becoming! He’s sweet and silly, gentle and audacious, and very opinionated. We’re teaching him that we’re gentle with girls (mommy), and play hard with daddy. He still gives me the sweetest snuggles, especially when he’s tired. I’m hanging onto all of those moments. He loves grabbing Ryan’s face and pushing him away when he’s being tickled. Jude also has a block that plays music when you press the buttons on all the sides, and he’ll play it and rock back and forth while he listens. The cutest.

We recently returned from our first vacation with Jude, and it’s true that we need another vacation to recover from it. The time we spent in Florida was packed with so much fun! I was worried about Jude adjusting to being off schedule over a long period of time, but he did amazing. Because we are again, crazy, we road-tripped to Orlando and got to spend almost 5 days with my parents. Since Jude has had some anxiety with people he doesn’t see on a regular basis, we were praying that he’d be ok on the trip. To our relief and my parents’ joy, he LOVED Poppy and Gammy.

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We even got to go to Disney World, and again, because we are crazy, did the park hopper and were there for 14 hrs, visiting 3 different parks. I was pumped because last year when we went (my first time ever) I was 8 weeks pregnant and couldn’t do anything. Not even the kiddy rides. So this time around we made up for it all and rode all the big roller coasters, finishing with Space Mountain at 1a. Told you we are crazy. On July 4th we headed to Disney Springs and got to watch the most amazing sunset, and then fireworks coming from the Disney parks across the lake.

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Jude also tried his first solid food in Orlando: a banana. Not a huge fan of it, but we’ll keep trying. Since then he’s had some avocado, and he liked that much better.

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After saying goodbye to Poppy and Gammy, we drove to Destin to meet Ryan’s family where they vacation every July. Jude was ok with the sand, but definitely did not like the waves. I think they scared him a bit, as they were loud and splashed his face. We got some good time in the sun, with breaks every couple of hours to cool down in the a/c.

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It was a great trip, but we all (especially Jude) were very glad to be home and back to a normal schedule. I’m so thankful for a slow weekend!

Now, by popular demand, I will leave you with this: the man bun.

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It’s tiny, but seriously? Hahaha, ok, I’m gonna go die because of how adorably hilarious by kid is now.

jude | 5 months

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Our happy boy is 5 months! This month has been extra fun, as Jude is now interacting with us a ton, and has become so expressive. He thinks Ryan is just the funniest person ever, and it is super cute to watch them play together. Jude’s favorite games are peek-a-boo and patty cake. He’ll watch Ryan hide behind something and look around for him until he pops back out, squealing with excitement! Music is definitely a love, and he is captivated if you sing to him. He’s still mostly happy, unless of course, he’s not, thanks to teething. Still no visible teeth cutting, but we imagine they’ll be making an appearance soon. Drool everywhere and so much chomping on anything he can get ahold of. Jude really enjoys being naked, and his favorite time of the day is just after his bath when daddy lets him lay on his towel naked (risky business). Such a boy… he loves to be free. He’s also discovered a much louder voice, and thinks it’s the best to squeal and scream. That’s especially fun in a quiet waiting room or in line at the store. At least he’s happy, right?

Jude had his first swimming experience over Memorial Day weekend! We weren’t sure how he would do since the pool is much cooler than a bath, but he had a blast! He looked very comfortable in the water, and was kicking his feet and splashing with his hands almost the whole time. It was pretty adorable.

 

We recently got to hang out with my brother and sis-in-law, which was a fun surprise! The last time they saw Jude was back in February, so it was fun getting to catch up and for Jude to hang out with them again. We’ll probably be seeing Aunt Tina a lot this summer since she’s here for a while teaching at a summer camp!

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In a few weeks, we’re headed to Orlando to visit my parents, and we’re all very excited! Vacation cannot come soon enough! Looking forward to all that the next month holds. We’ll probably have some photos of messy solid food adventures on the next update. And Sunday will be Ryan’s first Father’s Day! So looking forward to celebrating that day together.

jude | 4 months

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Our boy is now 4 months old, and what an exciting month it has been for him! It’s amazing to look back at just last month and realize all of the ways Jude has grown. Even his personality has developed, which makes him seem even cuter if it were ever possible. Our little bug is definitely a mama’s boy. Ask me if I mind. He’s also a snuggler – if he’s in the mood – and will nuzzle himself in my arms and give me a look that amplifies how much trouble this headstrong mama is really in. Amazing how your own baby can melt even the most stubborn of us. It is such a gift from the Lord. If I were to ever question where I stand with God, all I have to do is remember how hardheaded and stiff I can be, and how quickly all of that can dissolve just by looking at Jude. If I, so flawed and in need of mercy can love like this, how much more does the perfect and infinitely pure God love us? His love truly has little to do with us, and much to do with His own character. So grateful for that.

Speaking of His love, let me tell you about how specific His love is for us. Sometimes I am just amazed that He cares about the little things that don’t even matter. It’s like He just enjoys whispering to us, “I see you” every once in a while. This winter, before Jude was born I did what every mom should not do and browsed online for baby clothes, just looking. I came across a cardigan from Old Navy that was just adorable (ps. best baby boy clothes, y’all… it’s hard to find boy clothes that don’t have cargo pockets these days!) but could not bring myself to spend $25 on an item of clothing that Jude would probably wear like 3 times. Cardigans for newborns are cute, but totally unpractical. They’re too puffy to put on before loading into a carseat, and babies really don’t need a heavy collar. They are so little! I passed up a ton of clothes, and literally only bought one thing for Jude, which was the outfit he went home in and I took photos of him wearing (I also used a coupon for it and got it 30% off… I’m cheap). God blessed us with friends who had babies a year before Jude was born, and were so generous to pass those clothes down. I recently went to Old Navy looking for shorts, which has been a lot harder than I feel like it should be. Lo and behold, there was the cardigan, in 12-18month size! In case you haven’t put it together, that’s the size Jude will be in this winter. I snatched it up and brought it to the cash register. 97 cents, y’all! Literally said, “Are you kidding me? Thank you, Jesus.” Call it good luck or good clearance digging, but I saw that moment as the Lord telling me, “I see you.” I chose to be responsible with what we have been given, and Jesus chose to gift me with His thoughtfulness. Had I bought the cardigan to begin with, I would not have died from spending $25 I didn’t need to spend, but I would have missed out on the intimacy of Christ speaking to me and showing me that He cares. Even about the little things.

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Jude is sticking to that 50th percentile, and growing at a great pace! We’re still enjoying his chunky legs and squishy cheeks. He just recently decided to flip over. He really dislikes tummy time, and although we have been doing tummy time with him daily, it lasts about 3 minutes before he face plants in defeat and loses it. However, I think he’s holding out long enough now to realize that he can control his arms under him and flip himself over. Hooray!

Jude also is ticklish under his arms and on his feet, and that’s super cute. He’s gained good control of his arms and legs, and is starting the hair grabbing phase. He also grabs the curtains hanging on the window when we change his diaper. Yayyy. He’s a fan of books, and enjoys clawing at the pages. Above all, Jude loves sitting and “standing” up because he can see everything! His exersaucer is his absolute fav, and also mom & dad’s fav because we can cook or clean while he hangs out and watches! We still have a great sleeper, and Jude is definitely the best sleeper in this family! How amazing would it be to sleep almost 11hrs every night? Baby life is nice.

This Mother’s Day was my first, and it was really fun celebrating with Ryan and Jude. Last Mother’s Day we had just found out that we were pregnant with Jude, and this Mother’s Day we got to celebrate with him! So thankful for this baby who made me a mom, and so thankful for his daddy! Ryan did some incredible cooking and baking for this day. I am a lucky woman, being married to a man who loves to cook! It is so fun being a parent with him. Hashtag blessed.

Praying that you discover the intimacy of God this week, and that you cherish those sweet moments where He whispers to you. You are so loved!

jude | 3 months

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Hello, month 3! This month has been super fun, as Jude is discovering the world around him, and totally enjoying all of it! At the beginning of April, Jude learned how to blow raspberries, and he loves showing off his new trick. Almost anytime people are talking around him, he makes sure to chime in with coos and bubble blowing. Pretty cute.

Jude still really hates tummy time, and cries pretty much the entire time he’s laying on his belly. He hasn’t caught onto the fact that he can use his arms to push himself up yet, and does a full “superman” with his legs and arms up in the air, and the poutiest face he can conjure up. I keep trying to put his arms under him, but he refuses to cooperate. On the other hand, he LOVES sitting up, and is a huge fan of his exersaucer. He’ll also now stick anything close to him in his mouth and chew on it, and the drooling has been non-stop. Doc said although we might not actually see a tooth til month 6, Jude is definitely teething. Bring on the fussy stage!

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Easter Sunday

A few weeks ago we entered into an interesting phase of what I’m pretty confident is social anxiety. People have told me that it might just be separation anxiety, but Jude LOVES being by himself and is totally fine if I put him down and leave the room. He loves playing alone. The real issue is that he totally loses it around a large group of people. I think it stemmed from the first few days his eyesight and hearing started getting better, and it was just too overwhelming for him to handle. When people would crowd around him and talk to him, he would just scream until completely removed from the area. I’m not talking about baby cry. I’m talking sweating, shaking, and the most terrified look on his little face. Because he looks so frightened every time we were around groups, we decided to not push it and give him some space. He did so much better when being introduced to one person at a time while I held him. He’s definitely turned a corner, and now is content with people around if he’s sitting in his carseat and has his own space (doesn’t need to be held by me anymore). I researched a bit on it, and most of what I read said that this sort of thing starts around 6 months, which was frustrating. But in talking to other moms, I received a lot of encouragement by hearing similar stories and being affirmed that he’ll be alright and grow out of it. I got worried that we coddled him too much, but it really was a sudden switch. One day he was fine with people holding him, and the next he wasn’t. I’d always made a point to bring him in public while I run errands, and people have been holding him since the day he was born. Now that he’s getting a little better I’m seeing that it really is just a phase. One mom even encouraged me that he’s just creating boundaries, and that’s ok. Thanks, moms! It’s true what they say that every baby is different, and inevitably you’re going to run into a situation where there’s just no simple fix or easy answer. I am thankful for the moms that are understanding and not automatically judgmental when it comes to parenting!

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On that note, can we talk about unsolicited advice? Now, this started the day we announced we were pregnant, but it seems like it just keeps getting better and better (read worse and worse) as time goes on. What is it that people think the only reason a baby would cry is because he/she is hungry? I can’t tell you how frustrating it is when your baby is crying and some random person you’ve never seen in your life walks by you and in the most condescending tone says, “Bottle, lady” and walks away. I wanted to say, “Oh, wow, thanks! I never thought of that!” I have a couple issues with this. First, just because my baby is crying, doesn’t mean he’s hungry. You have no idea if my baby JUST ate and maybe he has gas, or maybe he’s tired, or maybe he just had shots the day before. Or maybe he’s just a human and is having one of those days where he just can’t deal. Second, it never helps a mom when you give your advice to her like that. She knows her baby is crying in public and undoubtably disturbing someone around her. She doesn’t need to be told that she’s being a disruption. What she needs is some grace, and maybe a, “You’re doing great, mama.” Third, what if her baby is hungry, but that mom is exclusively breastfeeding, so she doesn’t have a bottle on her? What if she’s doing everything she can to get back to her car quickly to feed her baby? She can’t exactly pop her boob out on the spot in every scenario.
Moral of the story, don’t assume you know what’s going on, or that you have all the answers. This is just one example of advice I’ve received from random strangers. And I know this is a very common problem discouraged moms have to fight. So, if you are that mom, know you’re not alone, and know you’re doing great. It’s true that moms (and dads) really know the best for their babies. Don’t let someone else drag you down with their careless words. Maybe they’re having a really bad day, too. If you aren’t that mom, I encourage you to be an encouragement to that mom the next time you see her. Offer a smile or a “You’ve got this.” It goes a long way.

That being said, let me leave you with an encouraging word. Ryan and I have had some moving pieces in life out of our control lately, and we’ve been really praying for peace and trust in the Lord’s hand, believing that he knows what is good and cares for us. These verses have kept coming up all over the place this week, and I thought I’d share with you in case you need to also be reminded of His provision:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:25-34 

The verses right before that are the Lord’s prayer, and the scriptures talking about praying and fasting in private, and storing up your treasures in heaven. So often I forget that these verses are all in the same chapter. The Lord showed me that everything, even learning how to pray, He provides. This means he provides for our spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. We have no need to worry for anything in life. Our call is to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. A higher call. Let’s rest in Him as we seek His face.

jude | 2 months

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2 months already? I already feel like my baby has grown up. Ok, I might be a little dramatic. But look at him! Jude was never tiny to begin with, but he is now the length of my torso, and it’s both heartbreaking and wonderful. We had his 2 month checkup yesterday, and it looks like our boy is finally evening out and isn’t the chunky monkey he was at birth anymore. He’s close to 50th percentile for both height and weight, which might be hard to believe under those chubby cheeks!

We changed Jude’s schedule recently, and he’s been sleeping 7 hrs almost every night since! Someone say, “Amen!” With the plan we’re following, his schedule was supposed to shift from eating every 3 hrs to every 4 at 9 weeks, but because of daylight savings time, we decided to move it up a week early so that we didn’t have to confuse the poor guy twice. I felt like he was ready anyway, because he was starting to only eat for about 7 mins when I would feed him and sleep for only about 30 mins during nap time on the old schedule. Now he’s back to his 20-30 min feedings and 1 1/2 hr nap times. I love this new schedule because I have more time in between feedings to actually get some stuff done! With the old schedule, I’d have to plan everything within one hour, and it was like a race. Now I get 1 1/2 – 2 hrs to be out and about, and that definitely makes grocery shopping a little easier.

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Jude is discovering the world around him, and totally loving it. He recognizes Ryan and me, and gives us lots of smiles, and even laughs daily. His little personality is growing every day, and we love learning who he is. He has found his hands, and tries to stick the entire thing in his mouth and gags himself. Ryan and I laugh at him a lot. Sometimes he startles himself awake from a nap, and then scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. He’s so cute and doesn’t even know it. Yes, I’m that mom. He still enjoys playing on his back, but gets impatient now that he’s learning to hold his head up. We pulled out the Bumbo seat, and he LOVES it because he can see everything around him without being held. Such a happy baby!

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I went back to work on March 7, and thankfully it was actually a lot easier than I thought it’d be. Didn’t even cry (is there something wrong with me?). It helps that I’m working from about 5:45a-noon at the latest, so I still get half a day with Jude. I had the plan to ease back into working out, but that didn’t really happen as planned. Go ahead and laugh at me; we all knew this would happen. My first day of work, I attended a new class that used heart rate monitors to gauge how hard you’re working. We all know I’m competitive, but competing against myself is the ultimate competition. We had all our numbers on a screen at the front of the room, so everyone was able to see their max heart rate (ps. it’s different for everyone). The monitors divided the heart rate into 3 different zones: blue to symbolize easy work, orange for moderate, and red for hard, or HRmax. Y’all, I was pushing 200bpm. Keep in mind that this is my first day back. I don’t know how to take it easy. I will say, it feels soooooo good to be working out again, and doing REAL workouts. I didn’t realize how much 30 extra pounds and organs stuffed in my lungs really held me back. Thought my cardio endurance would be shot from not exercising for 6 weeks, but I guess in comparison to not being able to breathe just from climbing a staircase, it’s not too bad. Just another perk to working out during pregnancy: your first day back, you’re not as out of shape as you thought you’d be!

Overall, this family is doing well at month 2. We’re feeling like we have a routine down for the most part, and we have a super smiley baby. So very blessed. We are looking forward to celebrating the resurrection of our Jesus on Easter Sunday! Let me encourage you to take some time over the next week to reflect on how Christ’s defeat of death has impacted your life. What a life-changing victory.

jude | 1 month

Jude - 1 Month

Say what?!

How in the world has it already been a month since our sweet boy was born? Talk about time flying. I love my job, but I am already dreading the day I have to leave my little man and head back to work.

The past 4 weeks have been a whirlwind. The first week and a half I really just felt like a zombie (sorry to those of you who visited us during that time frame). It’s like running a marathon and then never sleeping. Haha. BUT we think we have really turned a corner over the past 2 weeks, and Jude is sleeping 4 1/2 hrs straight at night, then another 3 hrs after feeding him! People have told me that I’m lucky to have such a good baby, but y’all, let’s be real. We worked hard to get that 4 1/2 hrs. If you are a parent, you know what I’m talking about. At 2 weeks we started Jude on an eating/sleeping schedule. The first couple of days were pretty rough, and Jude was really mad at us during the day for not letting him sleep alllllll day long like he was before. But we really are a people of routine, and that is true about even the smallest of us. Jude is loving the predictability, and has literally started waking up within 5 mins of his next feeding time (win!). Parents, if you don’t have your baby on a schedule, I highly recommend it. Save your sanity and come back from the dark side of heavy eyelids and feeding time dread. If you want a recommendation on how to get started, please contact me! I’d love to tell you about what worked for us. Of course, every baby is different, so something else might work for you better, but it’s worth a try! On this schedule, we are on track for a full night’s sleep (6+ hrs) in just another month or so! Mainly, the schedule enables me to actually enjoy Jude, instead of dreading him waking or feeding him all the time. That is a game changer. I only did the feeding every 2 hrs (even through the night) for 2 weeks, but I thought I was going to lose my mind.

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On another note, this day is super fun for me because I tried on some regular jeans today and they FIT! Celebration up in here. That moment was so sweet for me, after all the times I chose chicken and veggies over Chick-Fil-A, and worked out even harder on the days I didn’t feel like doing it at all. Especially towards the end of pregnancy, I had no motivation. I felt the size of a whale, and nothing was comfortable (not even laying down). There was no motivation to make healthy choices because there was no result to be seen anywhere! But I did it because I knew it was good for me, not because I wanted to look good. Different mindset there. There’s also an aspect of discipline that is healthy to practice even if there is no reward (I’m not just talking about physical exercise). On my own, my self-control is a joke. With Christ, I’m able to do more than I could even imagine doing. It sounds silly to use such a deep truth for the application of deciding to put a brownie down, but for me in that last month, it was everything.

I love how we have stepped into Lent right after I have recovered mentally, and for the most part, physically from childbirth. I now struggle with the inability to exercise. 6 weeks off is a long time for someone who usually wouldn’t take 3 days off! God is teaching me an entirely different aspect of self-control this season, as I’m not able to do anything in my power to control lots of areas in my life. Most obviously, physically, as I have to wait for my doctor’s “ok” before I can exercise again. But also in my daily schedule and in caring for another person. My life is completely turned around. It actually makes me laugh that it now takes me half the day to get ready, as I shower during one nap, get dressed and do my hair during another, and maybe eat some food somewhere in there. Leaving the house is a joke… I’m pretty sure I’m just going to be 30 mins late forever. Or at least as long as my child’s meals are dependent on my body. Caring for Jude blows my mind. I honestly can’t believe how much I love him, and Ryan has said the same thing. It’s amazing to see into his little life already, and recognize personality traits and characteristics that make him human. Does that sound crazy? I just get these waves of wonder sometimes that I am caring for a human being… a soul that God created and loves, and Lord willing, this soul will one day grow to love Him as well. Such a gift.

This season, I’m learning to let go of my idea of control. Self control is not the same as will power. I can try to will my way through being a mom, and just because of my type A personality, I could probably do a pretty good job at it. But inside, I would be a mess. I already feel like a mess even when I’m actively surrendering my will to Christ! I literally sit up at 3a when my baby is crying, praying over his heart, mind, and soul, asking God to bring him peace and to be his refuge and safe haven. I know of nothing else that could be better for this baby than God Himself, so I surrender his life to Him, out loud, when I’m weak, as well as in those rare moments when I feel like I’ve got all my stuff together (PG version). I want to learn this Lenten season in the depths of my soul that HE is life, that He gives life, and that He is trustworthy to sustain our lives. I’m praying the same for you as well. May you see, feel, hear, experience Him this season.

Ps. Our kid is a giant. What the heck?!