11 weeks – that stranger in the mirror

11 Weeks 2

Ok, before you go all crazy on me after reading that title, my kid is the size of a lime this week. Which makes every pregnant woman at 11 weeks (or at 9 months for goodness sake) feel like the size of a hippopotamus, no matter what size they actually are. So instead of rolling your eyes at the next preggo you run into who feels like a big pile of french fries, follow me down imagination trail for a moment…

Imagine your fav tex-mex restaurant (if you’ve never been to TX, I’m sorry… for more reasons than one). Now I’m sure it won’t be hard for you to imagine you just ate 3 baskets of chips and salsa (or creamy jalepeno, hello!), and your meal is about to come to the table. You are already full, but let’s be real. You then proceed to stuff yourself with greasy goodness, be it fajitas or enchiladas, or whatever your preferred dish happens to be. You know what I’m talking about because you’ve been there. Now, after you have successfully stuffed yourself and are halfway pleased and halfway terrified about the amount of food you just consumed, you find yourself 30 mins later begging the Lord to please stop that rice from expanding any more inside of your poor, abused stomach.

Got it?

Ok, now imagine that last feeling, except imagine that instead of that amazing tex-mex and your self-destructive reward,  you actually didn’t eat it at all. You ate a salad for lunch. But you feel that after-tex-mex feeling. Pretty terrible, eh? Yea. Now, I can’t speak for every woman, but that is exactly how this mama felt on Monday.

Note: don’t be that person who says, “But you’re pregnant; it’s ok for you to feel that way.” That’s like saying, “Oh, it’s ok that you feel fat because you have an excuse to be fat now.” Too bad that doesn’t make anyone feel any better.

I can’t explain for any particular reason why it struck me on Monday, but it was so much that all I wanted to do was sit all day, because I had no energy and felt legitimately fat. I’ve been healthy for several years, so this feeling hasn’t plagued me, really ever in my life, except for those actual tex-mex occasional occurrences. My sister happened to text me that day and ask me how I was doing, and I straight up told her I feel fatter than I’ve ever felt in my life. She responded with a solid, “Yea, that sucks.” And then went on to share with me how this could be used as a blessing, to sympathize with clients and friends who have some weight to lose, but no motivation. She has experienced this before, so she was able in that moment to speak that truth into my overwhelmed emotions. I was able at that moment to thank God for the feeling – though miserable – for giving me the opportunity to empathize with others who are going through the exact same thing, in a way I truly haven’t been able to before.

It’s interesting because I’ve actually had some people comment on the fact that they’re intimidated to train with me by the fact that I’m not overweight (before I was pregnant). I’ve never understood this, because I’ve never considered myself any better than anyone who needs to lose weight, or even thinking that I didn’t need the exact same discipline and self control it takes to lose weight and keep it off. It’s an ongoing battle for everyone, not just people who have the weight to lose. It’s never been easy for me to make good decisions on my eating habits, and therefore I’ve never felt like I have anything else to offer except that Jesus is so much better than the small rewards we choose over Him, and that’s what helps me to make good decisions on a daily basis. BUT, on Monday, I finally understood what people are talking about. It’s not the fact that I don’t have weight to lose that’s intimidating. It’s the fact that I’ve never felt the emotions and the defeat that comes with seeing the weight, having the desire to lose it, but daily wondering if it’s even worth it when at the end of the day, you look in the mirror and it’s so hard to see past your own nearsightedness. I could sympathize, but I couldn’t empathize. I’m not claiming to know it all or understand every battle that you might face in any given moment, but I’m choosing to thank God for this small battle in front of me, and ask Him to continue to keep my eyes set on Him and use this tex-mex awfulness for His glory, and the abundant benefit and joy of anyone I might come in contact with.

And you know what? God gave me some unexpected free time in between a client and a class I had to teach, and I got to TAKE a spin class. Not teach it, just take it, and work my discouraged behind off and receive encouragement from a fabulous instructor. Nothing in my body or mind or spirit wanted to take that class. But when I realized I had the extra time, and I couldn’t even set up early for my class because this spin class was taking place in the same room, I took it as a gift from the Lord to help me in my weakness. When I got off that bike I still felt fat, but I felt 100 times better. My spirit was lifted, and I wasn’t in the dumps anymore.

Whether you are pregnant or not, know that wherever you find yourself, the Lord not only is ok with you, but cherishes you there. You are valued because you are His. Don’t let the enemy steal away the beautiful story He wants to walk you through. It will be painful and sometimes miserable, and there will be times that you’ll look at yourself in the mirror (literally or metaphorically) and not even recognize yourself. You will feel like giving up, and try to tell yourself that all of that work and consistency is not worth it. But do you know why it is worth it? Because HE is worth it. No, your frail, slowly decaying body might not be worth it. But He is. And He promises joy in this life, and in the life to come. I pray that you find that joy in your moments of tex-mex.

11 Week Update:

How Far Along: 11 weeks

Total Weight Gain: Yea, def didn’t weigh myself this week. :)

Maternity Clothes?: Nope.

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Better than last week.

Best Moment of This Week: Celebrating pre-Father’s Day for my huz!

Miss Anything: The motivation to work hard in exercise.

Movement: Nope.

Food Cravings: Saturday I craved a Cherry Dr. Pepper from Sonic, and Sunday I could have hurt someone over Saltgrass mashed potatoes. What? Who am I?

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Haha. Ryan took these vitamins and started talking about how bad they tasted. Hearing about it made me gag, and I literally had to leave the room and breathe really deeply to avoid throwing up.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: That lime is poking out a bit.

Gender: ??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: Uhhh, did you read the blog above?

Looking Forward To: Going on vacay to Destin!

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10 weeks – beating the craving

10 Weeks - Babe 2

It’s hard to believe that I only have 3 weeks left of my first trimester, and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m allowed to talk about the fact that I’m pregnant! The Lord has been especially gracious to me in that I haven’t experienced any sort of real “morning sickness”. At the very beginning of the pregnancy I felt queasy randomly, but it was mostly from the cramping that comes with my uterus expanding so rapidly (sorry, guys). I’ve pretty much leveled out, and I now only feel sick if I see or smell certain foods that I really happen to not want at the moment. I’m so thankful for this, because being a personal trainer, I can’t exactly take off of work or work from home if I’m sick. I just miss clients if I’m not able to make it. So glad not a whole lot of that has happened!

I have a story to share with you. I haven’t experienced many strong cravings, but one in particular is pretty humorous… now. :)

About a 2 weeks ago, I had finished up with a client one day and had some free time before my next one. Had a super strong craving for a breakfast chicken biscuit from Chick-Fil-A. Looked at the time, and I had about 10 mins to get over there before they stopped serving breakfast at 10:30a. So, I rushed over, and got in the drive-thru line with a few minutes to spare. But by the time I got up to order, it was 10:32. I ordered anyway, and the lady behind the speaker informed me that they were no longer serving breakfast. I explained that I was in line before 10:30, and she apologized but said that they stop breakfast promptly at 10:30. Y’all, my eyes started welling up with tears. She then asked me to hold on for a second, and started talking to someone in the back. After she came back, she said that they do have one left that I can have, and I proceeded to complete my order, delighted. After rolling up my window and driving over to pay, I thought to myself, “I almost just cried over a chicken biscuit. I am emotionally invested in a chicken biscuit.”

Moral of the story, my new rule of thumb for fighting the unhealthy cravings is this: if I’m not going to cry by not getting to eat it, I try to pick a healthier option. Even if it’s not the healthiEST, a smoothie is still healthier than the milkshake I might want, and will satisfy that sweet tooth. I’m absolutely not as strict on my diet as I used to be. Cheat meals are happening a lot more often than I would have ever allowed for myself before. But for the most part, I’m still choosing whole, nutrient packed foods over junk. Still prepping meals (correction, Ryan is prepping meals like a champ) and eating them every day (cooking ahead of time helps!). If this is really difficult for you, know that you are not alone. There are other pregnant women fighting that urge along with you! Remember that you are growing a child, so their health is greatly impacted by your health. That motivates me to stay strong most of the time. A lot of times it’s easy to trash our own bodies because for some reason we don’t value them as much as we should (we are stewards of these great gifts God has given to us!). But when it comes to the health of your child… now that is a good motivation to keep yourself clean in what you’re putting in your body in a moment of weakness.

What have been your craziest cravings? What did you do about it? Do you have a game plan in how to resist those unhealthy urges? I’d love to hear your input!

10 Week Update:

How Far Along: 10 weeks

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t weighed myself… I’m the worst at that because I don’t really believe in weighing more than once a month (don’t do it, y’all!).

Maternity Clothes?: Nah.

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Ehh, could be better.

Best Moment of This Week: Seeing Jurassic World! Yep, my life is that exciting.

Miss Anything: My memory. I’m told it never comes back. I’m sorry, you guys. I have no idea what’s going on ever.

Movement: Nope.

Food Cravings: I really wanted that brisket sandwich from Oklahoma Joe’s in KC Monday night. Still want it today.

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Please don’t talk about gross things around me. Especially food or body parts.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: I think so! I’m popping out a bit. Still just feel fat, but for someone who’s not used to having a stomach, I def feel like I look different. Ryan thinks so, too.

Gender: ??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: I’m losing my “hold your tongue” filter. Someone said something rude to me the other day, and I straight up told them that it was rude and walked away. Haha… kinda not sorry about it.

Looking Forward To: Fall! I’m already over summer and it’s only June.

the biggest race of our lives

It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged consistently, but I feel that this special announcement is a good reason/motivation to start back up again.

Baby Announcement

We are pretty thrilled to announce that we have a sweet babe on the way! I am 9 weeks as of yesterday, so we are still very early in our journey. We had a blast telling our families over the past couple of months, and they will be SO very relieved that they can now share the news with others!

My plan is to document my pregnancy here on this blog. Posts will consist of everything from a simple milestone documentation, to tips and lessons I’ll learn along the way. I’m excited to journey through this pregnancy while sharing struggles and victories, and hopefully encourage others that staying fit and healthy during pregnancy is possible and doesn’t have to be torturous!

So, here we go for the first set of questions:

How Far Along: 9 weeks

Total Weight Gain: None (though it sure feels like it already!)

Maternity Clothes?: Nope, not yet. But am I complaining that my daily work attire is stretchy pants? Not at all. Advantages to being a personal trainer.

Stretch Marks: None

Sleep: It’s off and on. Sometimes I sleep hard, other times I’m waking up every hour. Constantly feel like I could take a nap throughout the day, though.

Best Moment of This Week: Last Friday we had our first ultrasound and got to see the babe! Looks like a little gummy bear right now, but that heart was flickering strong!

Miss Anything: Working out hard without it feeling hard. I for real am out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. I feel lame. Reminding myself that I’m growing a person.

Movement: Nothing I can feel. Although babe is supposed to start moving its limbs this week! Jus’ swimmin’ around.

Food Cravings: It changes almost daily. The only REAL cravings I’ve had so far are 1) Romaine lettuce with Olive Garden dressing, and 2) Chick-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit. But for real, that biscuit sounds terrible right now. Sometimes I don’t know what I want to eat until it’s in my mouth (you can pray for Ryan).

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Greasy foods have made me sick after eating them this week. That’s a new thing.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: Close friends are telling me no. But you know that you know your body. I feel like I look bigger. Not “showing”, just fatter. :)

Gender: What are you, baby??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: Uhhh, I’m not weepy at all, but I feel like I could afford more patience in my life.

Looking Forward To: All of you knowing and journeying with us! Thanks for sharing in our joy.