16 weeks | trusting better

16 Weeks 2

There’s a lot to update y’all on, and I’ll try to not write a novel about it. We’ve had quite an adventurous weekend!

But first, back a couple weeks to week 14, when we heard the heartbeat for the first time! That appointment was one of our favorites so far. Ryan recorded it on a voice memo on his phone, so we’ve been able to listen to it over and over again. It’s a big jump from 8 weeks (our last appt) to 14, and it was such a realization to hear our child’s life inside my belly! During our first ultrasound we didn’t get to hear the heartbeat because the machine was apparently a new model that didn’t have that feature. So hearing our baby’s heart pumping at 149bpm was such a fun experience.

Fast forward a couple weeks to last Sunday. We were at 15 1/2 weeks, and just going about a normal Sunday. I was sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden I felt this pain in my back. At first it just felt like a pinch, so I stood up to see if my back needed to crack while I straightened out. I walked into our bedroom, and before I knew it, I was on the floor, unable to get up. I called for Ryan and told him I felt like I was having the worst menstrual pains in my life, except it was all in my back. We waited it out a while until I threw up for a second time, and then Ryan called our OB office. The nurse on duty surveyed me over the phone, and told me I most likely have a UTI, and something with side flank something… yea, I was in too much pain to really understand what she was talking about. She told us to get to the ER, so Ryan grabbed all his stuff and we walked/crawled out the door. By the time we got there I was very dehydrated and they immediately put me on an IV (I remember my lips being so dried out, but unable to drink water). I continued to throw up as the Dr. there was trying to ask me questions.

Y’all, I am a pretty private person. I had the hospital gown on, untied in the back, and I literally did not care who saw me naked. I just wanted someone to fix whatever was going on. Keep in mind too that we had no idea what was happening, and we were both really worried about the baby.

The Dr. took a look at my back to listen to my breathing, and was surprised at how much my back and left side were bulging out. She kept feeling it and telling me how tight it was (uh.. I know!). After trying to ask me questions which I could not answer through the puke bag, she decided to just get me some medication and come back later to talk.

After a low dose of morphine was in my system, it brought my pain level down enough to sit still and have a conversation. They weren’t able to give me enough to make the pain go away, but I was happy for whatever I could get. They then did an ultrasound to check on the baby, and we got to see our sweet little one and rest in the knowledge that it’s perfectly healthy. When Ryan saw it he said, “Look, it’s doing bicycle crunches, and it’s got one hand behind its head!” That made me laugh a bit, and definitely calmed me down. The Dr. said it is very healthy and very active.

My results came back with a minor UTI, which our (ER) Dr. said should not cause the bulging, and she was pretty sure I must have strained something. I am not sure I agree with her (sorry) because of a few reasons: I was sitting on the couch when it happened; I exercise regularly and have a considerably strong core and have never hurt my back in any activity or exercise; I hadn’t worked out since the Friday morning before, and it was Sunday afternoon. My mom said it sounded like I had a kidney stone, and after looking up kidney stones during pregnancy and identifying with every single thing people were writing about, I’m also convinced that’s what it was. One mom even wrote that her kidney stone during pregnancy was worse than her labor. After reading so many testimonies, it made me feel a little less like a wimp (a UTI and a back strain?? I was for real getting worried about how in the world I am going to be able to push this thing out of me).

That night and next morning were pretty miserable, as they sent me home and told me I could take Tylenol (what??). But thankfully the pain never got worse than it was in the hospital, and mid-morning on Monday it straight up disappeared. I could still feel a pinch in my back, which I’ve been really careful about, but no pain.

I’m so thankful for our community of friends who stepped in and took care of us. Because I could not get up for more than 30 seconds without throwing up, Ryan was on 24hr duty taking care of me (sweet man woke up with me every hour through the night). Our friends contacted Ryan and coordinated breakfast, lunch, and dinner for us. We also received very unexpected gifts and were flooded with prayers. I am beyond thankful, and the generosity and love we received from them left me speechless.

Also, my husband is the best. I know he was scared out of his mind, but through the whole experience he kept calm and prayed over me and our baby, encouraged me, and took care of all the logistics of going to a hospital like a pro. I could see on his face how hard it was for him to watch me in pain and unable to do anything about it. He is my favorite person and I can’t imagine doing any of this without him.

One of my friends prayed over me this week that I would have a very unexciting pregnancy for the remainder of it. I’m ok with you all praying that over us as well. :)

The main thing I learned through this whole situation is a deeper understanding of how our lives are in God’s hands. When I have no idea what is going on inside my body, and I have no control over the protection of my child, I am brought to a place where I have nothing but to trust in God’s goodness. There were times that night when I could not even speak, and all I could think was Jesus’ name. I came to a point where I knew that whether that situation were to turn out good or bad, He is still good, and He has our best good in mind, including our baby’s. That is a hard place to be, but in that moment, my belief in Him grew. I’m thankful to belong to Him, and I’m thankful for even the difficult opportunities to trust Him better.


16 Week Update:

How Far Along: 16 weeks

Maternity Clothes?: None yet, but I’m definitely running out of clothes to wear. It’s like I’m too small for maternity clothes, but too big for regular clothes. And I refuse to buy clothes a size up when I know I’m just going to grow out of them in a month!

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Sleeping so well now that I’m not in pain anymore!

Best Moment of This Week: Seeing our baby on the ultrasound, healthy and kicking like crazy.

Miss Anything: Lifting heavy (during workouts).

Movement: Not yet! Supposed to be able to feel something within the next few weeks.

Food Cravings: Soup soup soup. Especially Chick-fil-a chicken noodle and Jason’s Deli broccoli cheese. And a nice salad to go with it.

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Eating even just a little bit too much. I feel like it sits in my throat for the rest of the day.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: Oh yea, that babe is letting it all show now.

Gender: Still don’t know, and won’t be able to find out until week 20. :(

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: Really happy and energetic this week. No idea where all that energy came from (maybe cuz I’m not on a hospital bed feeling like I’m gonna die).

Looking Forward To: Our appointment on Monday! We have another checkup on Monday which should be similar to our last one.

13 weeks | trimester #2!

13 Weeks (1)


Well, I’m a week and 2 days late for an update, but as of Thursday I’m officially in my 2nd trimester! Just saying that sounds crazy, realizing that we’re already a third of the way through this pregnancy. I’ve heard the first trimester feels the fastest because the first month you don’t even know you’re pregnant, and also you’re not really showing, so it doesn’t seem as real yet. I think especially because I haven’t experienced any sickness it’s been harder to remember that this is a real thing. But I’m starting to show more, and being in a swimsuit for pretty much the whole week surprisingly helped me to not feel as “chubby” and more pregnant.

Speaking of swimsuits, we just got back from a week long vacation in Destin with Ryan’s family (which would be why I totally missed last week’s update). My parents, 2 brothers, and sister-in-law also got to join us for a couple days, which was a super last minute surprise for all of us! My weekly update scenery was a lot prettier than my typical dining area shot, thanks to the gorgeous sunset and my cousin behind the lens. Somehow along the way my child has inherited the sudo name, Cornelius. Poor kid. I guess we’d better come up with a name fast. Left to our families, this child has a lifetime of embarrassment ahead of it.

We have our second appointment on Monday, so next Thursday should be a fun update. We’ll have a better idea of how accurate our given due date is, and hopefully get some news on how our little peach is doing!


13 Week Update:

How Far Along: 13 weeks

Maternity Clothes?: Still none!

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Slept hard but woke up hurting every day. That was due to the bed we were in this week, though. Can’t wait to see my chiropractor.

Best Moment of This Week: Being in Destin with both mine and Ryan’s families!

Miss Anything: Right now I’m missing eating clean. Ate so badly this week and I’m feeling it!

Movement: Nope.

Food Cravings: Still hooked on the mashed potatoes.

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Surprisingly have been more sensitive to foods this week. Just the smell and sight of some things make me gag. Also, I could be soooo hungry, and then halfway into the meal doing everything I can to just to swallow the food in my mouth. Getting full faster, and appetite changing like rapid fire.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: A little more every day. I feel like my tan is making it more noticeable.

Gender: ??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: Both. I am like so happy, and then all of a sudden enraged by something as simple as an indecisive person. I feel crazy. And crazier that I feel like I can’t help it.

Looking Forward To: Our appointment on Monday!

11 weeks – that stranger in the mirror

11 Weeks 2

Ok, before you go all crazy on me after reading that title, my kid is the size of a lime this week. Which makes every pregnant woman at 11 weeks (or at 9 months for goodness sake) feel like the size of a hippopotamus, no matter what size they actually are. So instead of rolling your eyes at the next preggo you run into who feels like a big pile of french fries, follow me down imagination trail for a moment…

Imagine your fav tex-mex restaurant (if you’ve never been to TX, I’m sorry… for more reasons than one). Now I’m sure it won’t be hard for you to imagine you just ate 3 baskets of chips and salsa (or creamy jalepeno, hello!), and your meal is about to come to the table. You are already full, but let’s be real. You then proceed to stuff yourself with greasy goodness, be it fajitas or enchiladas, or whatever your preferred dish happens to be. You know what I’m talking about because you’ve been there. Now, after you have successfully stuffed yourself and are halfway pleased and halfway terrified about the amount of food you just consumed, you find yourself 30 mins later begging the Lord to please stop that rice from expanding any more inside of your poor, abused stomach.

Got it?

Ok, now imagine that last feeling, except imagine that instead of that amazing tex-mex and your self-destructive reward,  you actually didn’t eat it at all. You ate a salad for lunch. But you feel that after-tex-mex feeling. Pretty terrible, eh? Yea. Now, I can’t speak for every woman, but that is exactly how this mama felt on Monday.

Note: don’t be that person who says, “But you’re pregnant; it’s ok for you to feel that way.” That’s like saying, “Oh, it’s ok that you feel fat because you have an excuse to be fat now.” Too bad that doesn’t make anyone feel any better.

I can’t explain for any particular reason why it struck me on Monday, but it was so much that all I wanted to do was sit all day, because I had no energy and felt legitimately fat. I’ve been healthy for several years, so this feeling hasn’t plagued me, really ever in my life, except for those actual tex-mex occasional occurrences. My sister happened to text me that day and ask me how I was doing, and I straight up told her I feel fatter than I’ve ever felt in my life. She responded with a solid, “Yea, that sucks.” And then went on to share with me how this could be used as a blessing, to sympathize with clients and friends who have some weight to lose, but no motivation. She has experienced this before, so she was able in that moment to speak that truth into my overwhelmed emotions. I was able at that moment to thank God for the feeling – though miserable – for giving me the opportunity to empathize with others who are going through the exact same thing, in a way I truly haven’t been able to before.

It’s interesting because I’ve actually had some people comment on the fact that they’re intimidated to train with me by the fact that I’m not overweight (before I was pregnant). I’ve never understood this, because I’ve never considered myself any better than anyone who needs to lose weight, or even thinking that I didn’t need the exact same discipline and self control it takes to lose weight and keep it off. It’s an ongoing battle for everyone, not just people who have the weight to lose. It’s never been easy for me to make good decisions on my eating habits, and therefore I’ve never felt like I have anything else to offer except that Jesus is so much better than the small rewards we choose over Him, and that’s what helps me to make good decisions on a daily basis. BUT, on Monday, I finally understood what people are talking about. It’s not the fact that I don’t have weight to lose that’s intimidating. It’s the fact that I’ve never felt the emotions and the defeat that comes with seeing the weight, having the desire to lose it, but daily wondering if it’s even worth it when at the end of the day, you look in the mirror and it’s so hard to see past your own nearsightedness. I could sympathize, but I couldn’t empathize. I’m not claiming to know it all or understand every battle that you might face in any given moment, but I’m choosing to thank God for this small battle in front of me, and ask Him to continue to keep my eyes set on Him and use this tex-mex awfulness for His glory, and the abundant benefit and joy of anyone I might come in contact with.

And you know what? God gave me some unexpected free time in between a client and a class I had to teach, and I got to TAKE a spin class. Not teach it, just take it, and work my discouraged behind off and receive encouragement from a fabulous instructor. Nothing in my body or mind or spirit wanted to take that class. But when I realized I had the extra time, and I couldn’t even set up early for my class because this spin class was taking place in the same room, I took it as a gift from the Lord to help me in my weakness. When I got off that bike I still felt fat, but I felt 100 times better. My spirit was lifted, and I wasn’t in the dumps anymore.

Whether you are pregnant or not, know that wherever you find yourself, the Lord not only is ok with you, but cherishes you there. You are valued because you are His. Don’t let the enemy steal away the beautiful story He wants to walk you through. It will be painful and sometimes miserable, and there will be times that you’ll look at yourself in the mirror (literally or metaphorically) and not even recognize yourself. You will feel like giving up, and try to tell yourself that all of that work and consistency is not worth it. But do you know why it is worth it? Because HE is worth it. No, your frail, slowly decaying body might not be worth it. But He is. And He promises joy in this life, and in the life to come. I pray that you find that joy in your moments of tex-mex.

11 Week Update:

How Far Along: 11 weeks

Total Weight Gain: Yea, def didn’t weigh myself this week. :)

Maternity Clothes?: Nope.

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Better than last week.

Best Moment of This Week: Celebrating pre-Father’s Day for my huz!

Miss Anything: The motivation to work hard in exercise.

Movement: Nope.

Food Cravings: Saturday I craved a Cherry Dr. Pepper from Sonic, and Sunday I could have hurt someone over Saltgrass mashed potatoes. What? Who am I?

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Haha. Ryan took these vitamins and started talking about how bad they tasted. Hearing about it made me gag, and I literally had to leave the room and breathe really deeply to avoid throwing up.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: That lime is poking out a bit.

Gender: ??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: Uhhh, did you read the blog above?

Looking Forward To: Going on vacay to Destin!

10 weeks – beating the craving

10 Weeks - Babe 2

It’s hard to believe that I only have 3 weeks left of my first trimester, and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m allowed to talk about the fact that I’m pregnant! The Lord has been especially gracious to me in that I haven’t experienced any sort of real “morning sickness”. At the very beginning of the pregnancy I felt queasy randomly, but it was mostly from the cramping that comes with my uterus expanding so rapidly (sorry, guys). I’ve pretty much leveled out, and I now only feel sick if I see or smell certain foods that I really happen to not want at the moment. I’m so thankful for this, because being a personal trainer, I can’t exactly take off of work or work from home if I’m sick. I just miss clients if I’m not able to make it. So glad not a whole lot of that has happened!

I have a story to share with you. I haven’t experienced many strong cravings, but one in particular is pretty humorous… now. :)

About a 2 weeks ago, I had finished up with a client one day and had some free time before my next one. Had a super strong craving for a breakfast chicken biscuit from Chick-Fil-A. Looked at the time, and I had about 10 mins to get over there before they stopped serving breakfast at 10:30a. So, I rushed over, and got in the drive-thru line with a few minutes to spare. But by the time I got up to order, it was 10:32. I ordered anyway, and the lady behind the speaker informed me that they were no longer serving breakfast. I explained that I was in line before 10:30, and she apologized but said that they stop breakfast promptly at 10:30. Y’all, my eyes started welling up with tears. She then asked me to hold on for a second, and started talking to someone in the back. After she came back, she said that they do have one left that I can have, and I proceeded to complete my order, delighted. After rolling up my window and driving over to pay, I thought to myself, “I almost just cried over a chicken biscuit. I am emotionally invested in a chicken biscuit.”

Moral of the story, my new rule of thumb for fighting the unhealthy cravings is this: if I’m not going to cry by not getting to eat it, I try to pick a healthier option. Even if it’s not the healthiEST, a smoothie is still healthier than the milkshake I might want, and will satisfy that sweet tooth. I’m absolutely not as strict on my diet as I used to be. Cheat meals are happening a lot more often than I would have ever allowed for myself before. But for the most part, I’m still choosing whole, nutrient packed foods over junk. Still prepping meals (correction, Ryan is prepping meals like a champ) and eating them every day (cooking ahead of time helps!). If this is really difficult for you, know that you are not alone. There are other pregnant women fighting that urge along with you! Remember that you are growing a child, so their health is greatly impacted by your health. That motivates me to stay strong most of the time. A lot of times it’s easy to trash our own bodies because for some reason we don’t value them as much as we should (we are stewards of these great gifts God has given to us!). But when it comes to the health of your child… now that is a good motivation to keep yourself clean in what you’re putting in your body in a moment of weakness.

What have been your craziest cravings? What did you do about it? Do you have a game plan in how to resist those unhealthy urges? I’d love to hear your input!

10 Week Update:

How Far Along: 10 weeks

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t weighed myself… I’m the worst at that because I don’t really believe in weighing more than once a month (don’t do it, y’all!).

Maternity Clothes?: Nah.

Stretch Marks: Nope.

Sleep: Ehh, could be better.

Best Moment of This Week: Seeing Jurassic World! Yep, my life is that exciting.

Miss Anything: My memory. I’m told it never comes back. I’m sorry, you guys. I have no idea what’s going on ever.

Movement: Nope.

Food Cravings: I really wanted that brisket sandwich from Oklahoma Joe’s in KC Monday night. Still want it today.

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Please don’t talk about gross things around me. Especially food or body parts.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: I think so! I’m popping out a bit. Still just feel fat, but for someone who’s not used to having a stomach, I def feel like I look different. Ryan thinks so, too.

Gender: ??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: I’m losing my “hold your tongue” filter. Someone said something rude to me the other day, and I straight up told them that it was rude and walked away. Haha… kinda not sorry about it.

Looking Forward To: Fall! I’m already over summer and it’s only June.

the biggest race of our lives

It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged consistently, but I feel that this special announcement is a good reason/motivation to start back up again.

Baby Announcement

We are pretty thrilled to announce that we have a sweet babe on the way! I am 9 weeks as of yesterday, so we are still very early in our journey. We had a blast telling our families over the past couple of months, and they will be SO very relieved that they can now share the news with others!

My plan is to document my pregnancy here on this blog. Posts will consist of everything from a simple milestone documentation, to tips and lessons I’ll learn along the way. I’m excited to journey through this pregnancy while sharing struggles and victories, and hopefully encourage others that staying fit and healthy during pregnancy is possible and doesn’t have to be torturous!

So, here we go for the first set of questions:

How Far Along: 9 weeks

Total Weight Gain: None (though it sure feels like it already!)

Maternity Clothes?: Nope, not yet. But am I complaining that my daily work attire is stretchy pants? Not at all. Advantages to being a personal trainer.

Stretch Marks: None

Sleep: It’s off and on. Sometimes I sleep hard, other times I’m waking up every hour. Constantly feel like I could take a nap throughout the day, though.

Best Moment of This Week: Last Friday we had our first ultrasound and got to see the babe! Looks like a little gummy bear right now, but that heart was flickering strong!

Miss Anything: Working out hard without it feeling hard. I for real am out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. I feel lame. Reminding myself that I’m growing a person.

Movement: Nothing I can feel. Although babe is supposed to start moving its limbs this week! Jus’ swimmin’ around.

Food Cravings: It changes almost daily. The only REAL cravings I’ve had so far are 1) Romaine lettuce with Olive Garden dressing, and 2) Chick-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit. But for real, that biscuit sounds terrible right now. Sometimes I don’t know what I want to eat until it’s in my mouth (you can pray for Ryan).

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: Greasy foods have made me sick after eating them this week. That’s a new thing.

Have You Started to Show Yet?: Close friends are telling me no. But you know that you know your body. I feel like I look bigger. Not “showing”, just fatter. :)

Gender: What are you, baby??

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?: Uhhh, I’m not weepy at all, but I feel like I could afford more patience in my life.

Looking Forward To: All of you knowing and journeying with us! Thanks for sharing in our joy.