Say what?!

How in the world has it already been a month since our sweet boy was born? Talk about time flying. I love my job, but I am already dreading the day I have to leave my little man and head back to work.

The past 4 weeks have been a whirlwind. The first week and a half I really just felt like a zombie (sorry to those of you who visited us during that time frame). It’s like running a marathon and then never sleeping. Haha. BUT we think we have really turned a corner over the past 2 weeks, and Jude is sleeping 4 1/2 hrs straight at night, then another 3 hrs after feeding him! People have told me that I’m lucky to have such a good baby, but y’all, let’s be real. We worked hard to get that 4 1/2 hrs. If you are a parent, you know what I’m talking about. At 2 weeks we started Jude on an eating/sleeping schedule. The first couple of days were pretty rough, and Jude was really mad at us during the day for not letting him sleep alllllll day long like he was before. But we really are a people of routine, and that is true about even the smallest of us. Jude is loving the predictability, and has literally started waking up within 5 mins of his next feeding time (win!). Parents, if you don’t have your baby on a schedule, I highly recommend it. Save your sanity and come back from the dark side of heavy eyelids and feeding time dread. If you want a recommendation on how to get started, please contact me! I’d love to tell you about what worked for us. Of course, every baby is different, so something else might work for you better, but it’s worth a try! On this schedule, we are on track for a full night’s sleep (6+ hrs) in just another month or so! Mainly, the schedule enables me to actually enjoy Jude, instead of dreading him waking or feeding him all the time. That is a game changer. I only did the feeding every 2 hrs (even through the night) for 2 weeks, but I thought I was going to lose my mind.

On another note, this day is super fun for me because I tried on some regular jeans today and they FIT! Celebration up in here. That moment was so sweet for me, after all the times I chose chicken and veggies over Chick-Fil-A, and worked out even harder on the days I didn’t feel like doing it at all. Especially towards the end of pregnancy, I had no motivation. I felt the size of a whale, and nothing was comfortable (not even laying down). There was no motivation to make healthy choices because there was no result to be seen anywhere! But I did it because I knew it was good for me, not because I wanted to look good. Different mindset there. There’s also an aspect of discipline that is healthy to practice even if there is no reward (I’m not just talking about physical exercise). On my own, my self-control is a joke. With Christ, I’m able to do more than I could even imagine doing. It sounds silly to use such a deep truth for the application of deciding to put a brownie down, but for me in that last month, it was everything.

I love how we have stepped into Lent right after I have recovered mentally, and for the most part, physically from childbirth. I now struggle with the inability to exercise. 6 weeks off is a long time for someone who usually wouldn’t take 3 days off! God is teaching me an entirely different aspect of self-control this season, as I’m not able to do anything in my power to control lots of areas in my life. Most obviously, physically, as I have to wait for my doctor’s “ok” before I can exercise again. But also in my daily schedule and in caring for another person. My life is completely turned around. It actually makes me laugh that it now takes me half the day to get ready, as I shower during one nap, get dressed and do my hair during another, and maybe eat some food somewhere in there. Leaving the house is a joke… I’m pretty sure I’m just going to be 30 mins late forever. Or at least as long as my child’s meals are dependent on my body. Caring for Jude blows my mind. I honestly can’t believe how much I love him, and Ryan has said the same thing. It’s amazing to see into his little life already, and recognize personality traits and characteristics that make him human. Does that sound crazy? I just get these waves of wonder sometimes that I am caring for a human being… a soul that God created and loves, and Lord willing, this soul will one day grow to love Him as well. Such a gift.

This season, I’m learning to let go of my idea of control. Self control is not the same as will power. I can try to will my way through being a mom, and just because of my type A personality, I could probably do a pretty good job at it. But inside, I would be a mess. I already feel like a mess even when I’m actively surrendering my will to Christ! I literally sit up at 3a when my baby is crying, praying over his heart, mind, and soul, asking God to bring him peace and to be his refuge and safe haven. I know of nothing else that could be better for this baby than God Himself, so I surrender his life to Him, out loud, when I’m weak, as well as in those rare moments when I feel like I’ve got all my stuff together (PG version). I want to learn this Lenten season in the depths of my soul that HE is life, that He gives life, and that He is trustworthy to sustain our lives. I’m praying the same for you as well. May you see, feel, hear, experience Him this season.

Ps. Our kid is a giant. What the heck?!